Butterflies Know How to Respond to Strangers


Consider Huakailani Girls prepared to know what to do when approached by a stranger!


I was trying to find a way to connect my Hawaiian Story Telling Time on our school Luau Day to my "Stranger, Danger Butterfly Chat." Not an easy connection to make! Then "Viola", while I reading one of my favorite "Retold Hawaiian Style" stories to the girls, The Three Little Hawaiian Pigs and the Magic Shark, I discovered a connection.  The story I was reading actually had a "Beware of Strangers" moral of the story tucked into it. Wish I could say I was ingenious enough to have planned it this way but it happened quite spontaneously!

"The shark disguised as a Shave Ice Man."


Right on cue, after I had finished reading the story, one of the students shared "Don't Talk to Strangers" as a lesson learned from the story. All of a sudden, one of my best "Butterfly Chats" to date metamorphosed!

Since this chat involved all of the students from Kindergarten to Sixth grade, I needed to make sure that we talked about the important elements of the topic without scaring any of the girls. Therefore, we started the chat by talking about the story and how the pigs reacted to the stranger knocking at the door.

The girls made connections such as - "The Magic Shark was a stranger and how the pigs should not have even opened the door when he knocked" and how the  "Magic Shark" disguised himself as a friendly ukulele musician,  sweet Aunty lei seller and  shave ice man, all things that the pigs loved, in order to get them to open the door.

I then transformed myself into varying strangers ranging from a lady looking for her lost puppy to a man who was offering their favorite candy or snack for free! Our settings varied from the playground, mall, beach, walking in town to the public restroom. Groups of students were called up to role-play the students in the scenario. 

As you see this "Butterfly Chat" became a spontaneous "role-playing" journey. The girls completely became immersed in the topic and absolutely loved the role playing scenarios. 

While they were all having fun they knew that this was a very serious topic and they were being trained to be Butterflies who knew how to react in such situations. Some of the girls were aware of the recent stranger encounters Kailua students had experienced. 



Benefits of Multiage Setting Reflection - 
I didn't even have to remind the younger students about this being a serious and important topic. The older girls picked up on how some of the younger girls were getting giddy and having a little too much fun with the scenarios and spontaneously reminded the younger girls that although they were having fun, to make sure they were reacting seriously because this was important lesson to learn and not just a fun a game to be silly.


Behind the Scenes Teacher Observations and Reflections:

What I noticed while facilitating this role-playing activity, was how a majority of the girls were initially completely drawn in to talk to the stranger and would even approach the stranger to get closer when called over.  I then realized that girls are especially vulnerable victims to cunning strangers with bad motives due to their sweet, compassionate and well-mannered personalities. Unfortunately, the "Bad Stranger" knows this too and uses it as a lure. 

When we first began the role-playing, the girls would talk to me (playing a stranger) and would even come closer when called over if the scenario involved any kind of lost animal (puppy, kitten), animal in a box or needing help of any kind.

After each scenario we would talk about the things they did right and wrong.

Butterfly Comments During Scenarios or Debriefings:

"This is hard! It's hard not to talk to them  (stranger) because I don't want to be rude."

"It is hard not to want to help, even when you know they are strangers and you shouldn't"

"It is hard not to want to go over to see the kitten!"

"If I scream, he/she will hear me!"


As we chatted and practiced more the girls learned to become more weary the strangers (me)  and would walk away from me (stranger) but only after contemplating looking at what I had or pausing to respond to me. Many of our more "friendly" Butterflies would begin to engage in conversation with me (stranger) and naturally without knowing would even physically come closer to me when talking to me.

Many of these girls had shared with me that they have had these conversations with their parents but what became  obvious to me was that because of their developmental ages, how role-playing and revisiting such talks with our children is essential.

It was only after role-playing for 45 minutes (which seems like 10 minutes) because they girls were so involved and interested in playing this Stranger, Danger "scenario activity" that most of the girls began to react to the stranger encounters in safer and appropriate ways.

Many didn't want to even end the scenarios activity when we were called down to eat (other teachers were downstairs preparing the Luau Lunch Feast). They begged me to be able to continue the scenarios after lunch.

(Side note: I was beginning to run out of scenarios). By this time I had been everything from a woman who lost her earrings in the mall, a homeless person on the street to a stranger who pulled up in a car to pick them up because mom and dad were hurt and at the hospital.

Muilti-age Benefits
Fortunately my older and wiser 4-5-6 graders stepped up to the plate after lunch and helped me come up with new scenarios. These girls then led the younger girls though their final "Stranger, Danger" tests. The older girls were having a lot of fun coming up with scenarios and I smiled behind the scenes because I knew if they could come up with the scenarios, they definitely knew what to do if they ever were caught in similar situation. Being older, they were also able to identify such "tricky" situation because they were come up with them on their own, thinking like th "bad guy or girl."

After another half hour of final scenarios, everyone graduated from "Stranger, Danger" School.

At the end, the girls asked more great "what-if" questions...

Butterfly Comments During Scenarios or Debriefings:

Q - "What if they put tape on my mouth?"

A - "They won't put tape on your mouth because you will have walked/away from a situation that could result in your mouth being taped."

The most reflective comment was shared by an Upper School Student, she said -

"It is good that we are learning about how to act around strangers because as a Huakailani Butterfly we know know to be safe and act now. There are obviously a lot of kids that don't know or have not been taught this because we hear about them in the news or read about it in the paper every day."

I encourage you to partner with us and continue "Stranger, Danger" conversations with your children.Try doing scenarios at home. You may even want to get a neighbor of friend to "test" your daughter to see how she reacts in a planned real-life scenario.

As I shared with the girls "Better to be safe, than sorry."

Other Reflective Butterfly Comments:

"We may feel funny or not cool when doing these scenarios but it is like our school walking to the park rules. It feels like things like "Focus Forward and Cross" are dumb  and the teachers probably don't like wearing those bright orange vests, but it is really saving our lives just like these scenarios."

"We are smarter with street safety too because we walk to the park!"

Another Huakailani Butterflies never cease to amaze me moment. I told the girls that these "Butterfly Chat" lessons are even more important to learn than math, reading and writing.

My hope is that the Butterfly internalized these lessons to not only lead a safe life but be advocates and role models for others who may not have had the opportunity to learn such lessons.

Huakailani Butterfly - strong ready and prepared.

















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What is the "cattiness" level in an all girls classroom?

A classroom of all girls? Anyone who has daughters or is a teacher has experienced "girl cattiness."

Girl cattiness = A lot of "me me me" and at the same time "it's not fair," and "everything must be the same" yet they know that there are differences, "she looked at me mean", "she talked to me in a mean way" ....

The sweetest girls can sometimes get caught saying the nastiest and sassiest things to each other when so and so is not their best friend any more!

So I get asked often doesn't the all-girl environment just ask for a elevated "cattiness" all day long?

At first I was not so sure what would happen because as a teacher I had my fair share of this cattiness amongst my female students in coed classroom. This was my first time teaching in a single gender classroom and was not completely sure how it would be with "girls only."

What I have experienced with my all-girl multiage class is wonderful! The key is the multiage... the girls are balanced out in the different stages/phases they are in. For example, a group of 10 second grade girls in the same classroom all aged 7-8 are all basically in the same stages - what aggravates or frustrates one second grader socially - frustrates the others. The result - Cat Fights!

In our multiage classroom, the ages and stages are dispersed from age 5 - 12. The result, a peaceful, calm harmonious group of girls. With most of the any minor issues occuring amongst girls in the same grade level. Interesting! The younger and older girls all help and support each other and that keeps good manners in check and bad manners out.

We have Friendship Circle twice a week where we talk about conflict resolution (how to productively resolve problems and conflicts with others) and have lessons on topics such as "manners" and " how to share" and basic social skills. Learning how to get along with others and to solve problems is just as important to learning how to read and to do math. That is why I incorporate these lessons into the Huakailani program. Social skills and socialization is so much more important to girls than boys. Girls need to talk and share their feelings. Our environment supports that need.

They all still get along great 95% of the time and you won't find that in any other classroom setting so I am fortunate for that. Lucky me! Each student although different in shape and size fits perfectly into the Huakailani Girl puzzle.

On the other side of the coin - some of you may say "Well - that's not the real world" but there is plenty of time for them to learn to deal with "the real world" later on. Kids have to grow up way too fast these days. This is elementary school and we should support our kids to be kids.

My job is to give them the skills they will need to be able to cope with and to deal with the issues and conflicts that life may present as they grow up. We do just that.